what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
