yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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