im drinking this country out of the recession.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
