Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
