well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Boobs speak an international language.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
