My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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