she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
