do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Send help, water and tortillas.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
