I am puke
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
