theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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