Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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