I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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