How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
