I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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