Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
