we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
