The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
