Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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