i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
