i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
