Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
