Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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