i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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