I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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