Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
