Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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