and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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