Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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