VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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