Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
