I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Holy sore nipples Batman
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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