She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
