do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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