just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
