I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
there is puke in my bra ... again
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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