Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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