I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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