Please, let me fuck your mom
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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