I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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