this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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