As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
