I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
