Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
