how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
