I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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