saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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