Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
