I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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