His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
