fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
